Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I love my brothers :)

Tonight I dont have alot to say about alot of things but I do feel the need to just say to the universe how much I love my brothers. I sat in the services tonight for my little cousin David Oliver and I was moved again by how many people were there to show sympathy for the Oliver & Alley Family's.

(little Dee in Kindergarten)

Davids life was short. It's not fair. It is unacceptable and not understandable at all to me how he can be gone. I do not know why or how this can be. My lists of questions about how God has allowed this to happen is so long.  I trust God. I accept God's Will but I am not able to say that I understand it. I dont understand it. I look at my cousins who have lost their brother and my heart wants to bust open with tears.

(My beautiful Cousin David and his baby girl)

(Tatar, Dee & Wendy)

I am so proud of my family. I looked at my cousin Kim and I was moved by how grown up she is and how beautiful a person she has become. I see my uncle Robert and my Aunt Pam and I feel a safety in just knowing they are there. They have always been there.

(The Oliver & Alley crew 2010)

I see all my Aunts and Uncles and their children and grandchildren and I am amazed at how many of us there are. I see the children of children of children all from my Grandma and Grandpa Alley and I miss them. I remember my mama and her fishing with us as kids and Phyllis & Dale and the kids and me and my brothers and mom and dad all playing on the creek bank at their feet. I find comfort in those memories. We go long periods without being together in a room but there is such a peace about moments of sorrow or joy and having all of us be there as a family.

I have made my mind up that I am going to get My Family, Tatar's Family, Dee's Family and we are going to do Photos of us all together. We must must must do a photo of all of us together while we are all here. I need to have that.

(My Tatar Bug)

I watched my Uncle Dale hold his boys and scoop up his grandbabies and watched his brothers and sisters rally to his side for strength at moments when he broke down and I was filled, overflowing, with love for him. I love to watch him with my brother Tatar and see their bond for one another. I love to hug my Uncle Dale and feel his strength and the power of his love for me even at moments when I am supposed to be helping him, he comforts me.

(Christy,Uncle Dale, Me, Uncle Robert & Austin at our last family gathering)

All I could think thru the whole night was how blessed that I am. All that I could think was how my skin aches at the mear thought of loosing my Tatar or my Dee. I have two brothers and I love them and am filled with pride over them and I know they are both very sick of hearing me say, "I love you" the past two days but every time I looked at them I had to say it. I just wanted to tackle them like when we were kids and set on them and say, pay attention to me, I want you to know this, Please do not ever forget this,

(Wendy, Tatar, Dee)

I ache for Dale Lee, I ache for Danny, I ache for Missy, I ache for Libby, I ache for those babies who lost their beautiful daddy.

Missy said to me, "Wendy, promise me to tell Tatar and Dee you love them while you have them " and I know that both of them must have thought I lost it tonight when I just felt myself saying over and over to them, I love you. I love you. I love you Tatar. I love you Dee.

I dread tomorrow. Did I say that I love Tatar and Dee? Did I say I am proud of my brothers and their families ?

(Dee, Me & Tatar)

Did I say that I love them ?
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