Tonight as I walked out of the home that I was raised in I stopped to close the gate. The silhouette in the window was my daddy setting in his chair. I took a moment to watch the lights inside shine bright and ponder on his breath and the pounding of his heart. I could almost hear it from the driveway thru the walls of the house and down the path that he had shoveled only two days before when he had the heart attack.
It is no secret that I am a Daddy's girl. If you know me at all you know that I am. I can hardly make it thru a conversation with anyone about anything that I don't mention it. LOL
Two days ago the phone rang and the call sent me into panic. Your daddy had a heart attack. Those words didn't really register. What ? My daddy ? Panic !!! Fear !!! Terror !!! A Heart Attack ???
Since I was a little girl there has never been anything or anyone that I looked at with more love and respect and worship than I do my father. He has impressed on me a sense of everything that I consider in a man.
My father is strong. My father is brave. My father is Beautiful. My father is funny. My father is flirty. My father is Talented. My father is Handy. My father is Stubborn. My father is Determined. My father is so many things....
When my toilets break and I find myself with a wrench in my hand and I fix it I know that I am able because I am my fathers daughter. When I look at something and I need to repair it I look at it through my daddy's eyes and I figure it out because I have spent my whole life under his feet watching him and learning from him and I am handy because of him.
I have looked up the side of a mountain and known that It was more than I was able to climb and I went on the journey anyway because I needed to stand at the top and look down and know that I can do anything I set my mind to because I am John Hackney's girl.
My daddy said to me at the hospital over and over again that I needed to go home. There is no need in me setting here doing nothing but looking at him he would say. My answer would be, Yes there is. I won't ever regret the minutes I spent with you. I will only regret the moments with you that I missed.
When I was a child my daddy was tough. He wasn't a perfect father. He worked more than he should have and he made loads of mistakes. I never saw those. I just saw my daddy. The world. The Universe.
What will my life be when he is gone ? How will I survive ?
I stopped at the gate and I looked back at the house and I saw him there in the window where he belonged and I couldn't help but look to the sky and stand still in the cold brisk night and speak aloud a thank you to God. To the creator of this wonderful man. A thank you for the sound of his beating heart. A plea made once again for just another day with my daddy.
It was carried by Gary when he was baptized September 27, 1996 and by our son Aaron when he was baptized on July 12, 1998.
My brother Dee carried it into the water when he was baptized on Jan 2, 2000 and My brother Tatar carried it into the water when he was baptized on April 30, 2000.
Gary carried it April 18, 1999 when he preached his first message and the night that Canada FWB Church voted to send him to be ordained November 18, 2000 he carried it and on his Ordination Day December 9, 2000.
Many Many times I had it anointed with oil and prayed over and carried it with me to the altar to beg God for the salvation of my daddy. I marked a spot on it and claimed in my mind that someday I would place it into Dads hands and he would carry it with him into the water to be baptized by Gary and Dee.
That is a dream that I still pray for. This hankie is certainly one of my most loved possessions and is kept in a fire safe where I hope to someday place it in the hands of my brothers children and Mikey for major events in their lives. I carried it the day that Aaron was married June 4, 2011.
The most remarkable thing about the hankie is that It was brand new when Chuck handed it to me. I will never forget him saying to me "Its a new one, I promise" Chuck has since passed away and I know the world is worse off because he is not in it :(
The wear that you see on the edges and the hole that you see in the folds and all of the tatter on it is not from 12 years of time. The moment that I climbed out of the water with it in my hands it looked that way. One might say that it sounds untrue but it is the case. It went in whole and new and came out this way. I need to have it framed flat and placed in the safe but only after I get to sign my Daddy's name to it the day that he is baptized.