Monday, November 9, 2009

I can type faster than I can scrapbook !


I was lying in the bed with my little Mikey tonight while we told the story of our day. I had commited to staying by his bed while I watched him yawn and wiggle the way that he does every night. He was so tired and struggling to stay awake. A fight that he has fought a many a night before but for some reason tonight it was sweeter than those nights.

Maybe it is the ear ache ? Maybe it was the c-scan today (sinus infection) ? Maybe it was the realization that these moments will not last ? But something inside me wanted to stay there with him until he was sound asleep.

"Tell me mommy about how you are bubbies mommy too" ? "Tell me the story of how you took me to school and came back and got me" ? "Tell me mommy about the Christmas tree" ? "Mommy did you hear the twinkle twinkle little star song without moving my mouth"? (and then he sung it without moving his mouth)

In my mind I was thinking only of that moment with him. So often I am pushed and rushed and hurried. I have so many things that I am trying to squeeze into the night and day.

I hurry him up from bed in the morning because we have guests downstairs and hurry him to eat his breakfast. I hurry him to dress and get ready so we are not late. I hurry him down the street for our walk (or drive) to school. I hurry him into the car for parent pick up so that I dont hold up the other cars. I hurry him to bath. I hurry him to bed....

When what I should be doing...is holding on to every second of his life. Enjoying the moments that we share.

"Twinkle Twinkle little star"....muffled but understandable !

"Mommy can I hand the ornaments to you when we decorate the santa tree" ? "I want a sponge bob square pants operation game and a nurf gun wii (dont know yet what that is?) and a sorry slider game from santa." Pointing to his index finger...insistant that I understand that the sponge bob operation game was "this finger" !

While he was talking and yawning and not moving his mouth while singing I started to think to myself that I need to scrapbook this moment. That's what happens...He is being wonderful and I think to myself how horrible it would be to forget the feeling that he has given me....what if God forbid...no one ever knows that I love him ? What if God forbid...I don't see his children to tell them that I think their father is the most wondeful creature to ever breathe? What if God forbid I lost my memory...I know its a morbid thought...but it happens...so what if ? 

I can hardly remember what happened a few minutes ago....how could I ever capture these moments without scrapbooking ? I have raised one son and I know how you forget. I know that they grow up and you just dont remember all these little moments. So I scrapbook....I do enjoy it... It does make me happy.... But I do it for the future. Thats why my scrapbooks are locked inside a huge fire safe...lol...because I want them more than anything to last for me to give to him someday....I scrapbook to write down those moments and memories and feelings that Mikey and I share. Moments that Mikeys shares with his daddy and friend Joey and Mrs Amy and his bubby...and the world around him.... But tonight when he was talking I started to think to myself that I just cant scrapbook fast enough ! I need to do a page on his first pair of big boy pants. (he just grew out of the toddler size into little boy pants) I need to do his halloween stuff at school on a page... I need to make a page of tonight and how he made me feel....so many pages and so many moments and so many memories....This is why I have figured out that I have to blog....because I have finally figured out that I can type faster than I can scrapbook !  (lol)

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