Monday, October 26, 2009

God is good !!!

I am thinking tonight that its hard to have a child grow up. Its hard to watch them learn lessons that I have already had to learn. I talk alot about my baby boy, Mikey, but my older son has been on my mind alot this past few weeks. He is about to be 21 and life is all ahead of him.
Im not sure he would say it if you ask not right now....but he is very blessed. He has family and his fathers...who love him and a father and mother who want nothing more in this life than to see him be happy and healthy and successful. I am feeling as though my choices have hurt him. What would his life be if....
He has been blessed to have a step mom who has treated him as if he were her own and I say out loud to the world that I am thankful for her.
I know that he has to learn his own lessons. I know that when I think back in my life to the moment when I first heard God call me to be saved (a long long time ago in what seems another life) it was painful. I fought God and ran from him harder than I have ever ran from anything. I look back on those moments of absolute pain and my chest hurts. It takes my breath away to think of him feeling that "bottom of the barrel" feeling that comes before you break and give your life to God. I wish so badly that I could just grab him up and tell him that life is hard and painful and that there's no way we can survive without God ! But I know that my life has not been an example for him these past few years and that makes me sad.
I know...I know...He has to learn this lesson on his own...
I guess as a mother the one thing that brings you to your knees the your child. I cannot imagine the pain that Mary the Mother of Jesus must have felt. I can not say that I would have been as brave as her if you asked me to watch my son be hung in sacrifice for others. I know she didnt have a choice. I know that Jesus came to die but her strength amazes me.

I cant help but to think that God has spent a lot of time lately trying to tell me something that I have ran from and maybe watching Aaron and seeing his pain and struggles this past few weeks with lifes lessons has been Gods way of reminding me that HE IS GOD... Reminding me that he gave his son up to die for me. Reminding me that nothing that Aaron will ever do is unforgiveable to me and Reminding me that nothing that I have ever done to God is unforgiveable to him.

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