Sunday, October 11, 2009

Little Flickering lights in the darkness

I am laying here in the dark of our bedroom thinking to myself that life is full of little flickering lights.  I can see the dimness of The tiny  green "on" light and the "red" it needs water light on the ice machine in the corner of our bedroom.The thermostat in the hallway outside our door is lighted and the xbox machine at the foot of the bed under the tv glows. The clock on the night stand, Mikes breathing machine, Mikes computer light and mine. There are lights all over in the darkness. They are not as bright as they would be had I not taken little tiny band aids and put over each of them in an effort to get better sleep.

I guess thats how our lives are....Filled with little lights that shine.

Once a very long time ago when I was 18 and pregnant with Aaron, my oldest son, Gary and I were taking birthing classes at Pikeville, Ky and we drove this beat up clunker of a car that my daddy had given to me.  We were on our way home from class late that night well after dark when the headlights on the car went out. This was long before everyone had cell phones like they do now so doing what I would do now which is call my daddy, was not possible. We had to drive across this mountain that lay between Pikeville and home. Back then it was called Bent mountain and it earned its name.  It was winding and curvy and up and down and a many a times you could see "City" people crossing it and parked along side the road throwing up from the car sickness that it brought on ! (lol) Looking back now it seemed like a roller coaster. Thank God for the four lane that replaced it. Lets just say it was not the kind of place you wanted to be driving in the darkness without headlights !

We had pulled off the side of the road and a man in a big truck came along and pulled over. Gary got out and was talking to him and told him that I was pregnant and we would just drive on in the darkness. The gentleman said "no" you can just drive close to the back of me and I will put my lights on bright and you can follow behind closely and thats what we did for the 20 miles or so that it took to cross over the mountain and reach home safely.

Today I remember that night and I remember that I was happy. I remember the little junky clunker car with gratefullness. I remember how young and in love I was. I look back and I wonder how many times in my life was it necessasary for me to follow closely on the rear of a friend or stranger so that I could make it through the darkness by the light that shown around them.
It sorta made me think about the reality of my life and how I have little lights shining in my darkness. Doesn't matter what I do or how hard I try to block them out.

I have a friend. Her name is Renee and I hate to call her by name but I will anyway. She is somewhat of a new friend and really she reminds me every time that I speak to her that God is good. I dont mean that she says...Look at me, Im a Christian...she doesnt. She doesnt have too. Something about how positive she is just makes me know that she is good. I never feel look down upon or ever feel as though she is judging me for my failures when I am with her. I think...not to embarrass her....I think I like her better than anyone else I know. This is her picture and she has that smile nearly every moment that I see her. She has a light that shines inside of her that you cant just stick a band aid over and hide.

Once when my oldest son was in grade school and I was serving God fully I had gotten to school to pick him up early and I took out my little bible and sat down to read a little. What is a task now... at the time seemed like the normal thing to do. Across the room was a lady who I had known since I was a child. After a spell she came over and said to me, "Wendy, your a christian aren't you" and I remember thinking then, some 15 years ago, that it pleased me inside that someone looked at me from across the room and thought that I was a child of God's.

Me,Gary & Aaron were setting inside of a Mcdonalds once when he was little and we bowed our heads to say prayer blessings over our burgers and then a little pair of ladies setting across the way said to us, "will you watch our purses while we go to the restroom ?" They just looked at us and thought we were good people because we had prayed over our food and they felt a sense of trust toward us they trusted us that they could leave their pocketbooks behind with us. It gave me a great sense of  peace and satisfaction.

I miss that. I miss the feeling of Gods favor. I guess my prayer is that I can again be like the little blinking lights in the room tonight. I cant help but to feel thankful to God for people like the man who stopped to help us that night on the side of the road who's light guided us through the darkness. I am grateful to God for people like Renee who's lives spew out a light in the darkness and for strangers like the ladies at McDonalds who just believe that there are more "good" people in the world than "bad".  I guess I hope and pray that I can shine for God again and not be just a person with a light inside that has a band aid stuck over it !

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